i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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