i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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