I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
