You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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