he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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