found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize