I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
