I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
