I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
