i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize