I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
