I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
