My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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