Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
