Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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