the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
