idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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