I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
