She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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