i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
