there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
