i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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