I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
