I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
