i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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