i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
