ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
