none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
