I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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