if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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