there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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