my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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