He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
