look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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