in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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