Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
