hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize