I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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