wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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