Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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