Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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