You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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