just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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