there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When are your genitals available?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
