My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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