My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
