I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
