I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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