you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
