are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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