i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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