I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
