if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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