just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
