This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
