After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize