just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
