you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Randomize
