It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
