Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
