it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
