I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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