considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
