You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
