I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
