also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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