i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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