How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
