You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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