dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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