The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
