Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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