i can't believe i had my finger in that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
