Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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