Can i not drive my cunt home
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
