You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize