You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
