He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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