u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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