3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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