can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I AM VODKA MAN
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
