I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
one might say we're banned from that church
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
