$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
