ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
