Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
