just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
