Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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