Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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