Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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