I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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