i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
