I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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