I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
