me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
