the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
