He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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