his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
there is glitter all over my balls
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