Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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