Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
