I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
