He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
