If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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