do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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