So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
