I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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