No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
