I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
