youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
