I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
