Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
