you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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