I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
