Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
