I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
