tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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