Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
