I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
