I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
