Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
