Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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