I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize