vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
