I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
