Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
